I could not help but notice that many residents in my mom’s assisted living and later her nursing home had few visitors. I believe that common reasons include
- Friends and loved ones are scared and confused about the person’s decline
- Friends and family do not know how to relate to a person who may no longer speak or seem to recognize them.
- And most sadly, friends and family think that the person has so little awareness that the visitor’s presence is of no value.
I had to accept that mom was losing the ability to have a conversation. However, she still appreciated music, smelling the flowers and as shown in the photo above flirting! As my mom lost cognitive and motor skills, I simplified activities to be easier and meaningful. One of mom’s favorite activities was reading or hearing me read her special book.
This consisted of a binder filled with pages that included
- The story of where Sarah grew up in Chicago, her family, moving to New York, meeting her husband and raising 2 daughters. The pages were filled with familiar family photos and simple sentences.
- Photos of famous people such as Abraham Lincoln with an identifying caption.
- Large print, bold song lyrics for us to sing together, she could sing alone and over time I could sing to my mom.
- Adages and familiar slogans or jingles
- Cultural words such as Yiddish.
- Simple poetry or stories, rhyming was good!
- Pictures of holiday or religious symbols
Fresh air was one of mom’s favorite sensory experiences as I pointed out birds and squirrels and we chatted with other families under patio umbrellas.
The following photos show some of the sensory items that mom liked to hold:
- furry bags and other textured items
- a vibrating cushion and toothbrush
- a baby’s toy water bag (nice deep pressure sensory stimulation) that felt good to wiggle on her lap.
Mom loved music so I set her up with a small CD player attached to her hat and headphones.
I noticed that few residents had visitors. It was comforting to become friendly with a few of the other adult children and sometimes we sang songs together and I played piano. 
Although its difficult to visit someone in a nursing home who is challenging to engage, I believe that my mom knew there was a visitor- someone who loved her. The title of my book Still Giving Kisses reflects how even after my mom needed to be fed and became incontinent she puckered her lips for a kiss when she heard my voice. Anybody can enjoy music, lotion, massage and sitting outside. My book is packed with strategies to help you engage with a loved one. You will look back years later, as I do now and feel proud that you did the best you could!