How to Enjoy and Help the Alzheimer’s Victim You Love

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I am an occupational therapist, specializing in developmental disabilities. I had never planned to work in the area of geriatrics. However, when my mother developed Alzheimer’s disease, I was thrust into the world of home care, Medicare, assisted living and nursing homes. Fortunately, as an occupational therapist, I had years of experience adapting environments and creating activities to promote functional skills and quality of life. I wrote Still Giving Kisses: A Guide to Enjoying and Helping the Alzheimer’s Victim You Love to share how I helped my mother enjoy her life as best as possible, as she regressed through the stages.
I could not help but notice that many residents in my mom’s assisted living and later her nursing home had few visitors. I believe that common reasons include
  • Friends and loved ones are scared and confused about the person’s decline
  • Friends and family do not know how to relate to a person who may no longer speak or seem to recognize them.
  • And most sadly, friends and family think that the person has so little awareness that the visitor’s presence is of no value.

I had to accept that mom was losing the ability to have a conversation. However, she still appreciated music, smelling the flowers and as shown in the photo above flirting! As my mom lost cognitive and motor skills, I simplified activities to be easier and meaningful. One of mom’s favorite activities was reading or  hearing me read her special book.

This consisted of a binder filled with pages that  included

  • The story of where Sarah grew up in Chicago, her family,  moving to New York, meeting her husband and raising 2 daughters.  The pages were filled with  familiar family photos and simple sentences.
  • Photos of famous people such as Abraham Lincoln with an identifying caption.
  • Large print, bold song lyrics for us to sing together, she could sing alone and over time I could sing to my mom.
  • Adages and familiar slogans or jingles
  • Cultural words such as Yiddish.
  • Simple poetry or stories, rhyming was good!
  • Pictures of holiday or religious symbols

 

Fresh air was one of mom’s favorite sensory experiences as I pointed out birds and squirrels and we chatted with other families under patio umbrellas.

The following photos show some of the sensory items that mom liked to hold:

  • furry bags and other textured items
  • a vibrating cushion and toothbrush
  • a baby’s toy water bag (nice deep pressure sensory stimulation) that felt good to wiggle on her lap.

Mom loved music so I set her up with a small CD player attached to her hat and headphones.

I noticed that few residents had visitors. It was comforting to  become friendly with a few of the other adult children and sometimes we sang songs together and I played piano. I don’t play piano well but I sure had an appreciative audience (not the nurses). I also entertained myself by drawing pictures of mom.

Although its difficult to visit someone in a nursing home who is challenging to engage, I believe that my mom knew there was a visitor-  someone who loved her. The title of my book Still Giving Kisses reflects how even after my mom needed to be fed and became incontinent she puckered her lips for a kiss when she heard my voice.  Anybody can enjoy music, lotion, massage and sitting outside. My book is packed with strategies to help you engage with a loved one. You will look back years later, as I do now and feel proud that you did the best you could!

 
Still giving Kisses sold on Paypal 

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