https://www.bostonglobe.com/2025/02/05/magazine/gentle-parenting-rough-on-parents
I disagree with many opinions expressed in this article. There are a zillion parenting books on the market. Parents typically choose the ones that mesh with their own style. For example, I was drawn to books about the benefits of breastfeeding, the ‘family bed” and meeting my baby’s sensory and emotional needs. When I gave birth, I had just completed working two years as an early intervention occupational therapist. I had no clue what parents were going through until I gave birth to my own baby- so sensitive and needy that my husband and I decided not to have more children…
Violence is never OK, it’s just a cheap trick to achieve obedience…
From the Boston Globe article:
The author implies that not hitting your child is a “gentle parenting” strategy. Actually, violence is never a solution to a temper tantrum whether or not you choose “gentle parenting”. But raising your voice is a great tool used in every culture in order to teach children about obedience that might save their lives- such as remaining silent to avoid dangerous animals…
Strategies are also very different if you are not from a privileged class as the parents in the article seem to be. For example, a child needs to obey the parent demanding her to avoid eye contact with shady characters attempting to interact with them on a bus. That is not the time for a “gentle” lesson…. ( I grew up in New York City).
Children with special needs…. require special parenting …. and of course, it is exhausting…
If you follow my work on RecyclingOT.com – you likely have a child with special needs- as I do. We are special parents with our own special survival needs such as SLEEP! I am all for ignoring demands to entertain past the bedtime hour rather than discussing my feelings. This may entail- my sleeping next to and not engaging with my child until he falls asleep. If he escalates to crying, yelling, pushing or any other physical expression of wanting attention- I would simply leave the room. He didn’t want to be alone, so the latter usually worked quite well.
Parents should avoid being slaves to social media comparisons!
My son is 36 years old, so I find it incomprehensible that parents are comparing their parenting skills to phoney social media platforms that exist in order to enrich the corporate owners or individual ‘influencers”. I did, however, grow up with very annoying television commercials and quickly learned that advertising is all about making me buy things that I didn’t need.
If you are familiar with my work- you know that I love to make therapeutic activities out of recycled products… that’s how my DNA works. Parent’s who grew up with social media and smart phones stealing their attention- naturally also produce children in need of attention… Put the phones away, engage and there may be less need for constant emotional state explanations…
Parenting styles reflect the number of children that require attention as well as how many of the children are “spirited” !
These factors impact how gentle one can be…
From the Boston Globe article:
Okay- “unwanted” behaviors is simply a euphemism for “bad” behaviors…
…and the adults get to determine that hitting, throwing food, kicking, screaming and other anti-social behaviors should be discouraged. Its OK to eliminate the word “bad” from your vocabulary if it makes you feel better… But children know that their behavior is upsetting, may cause injury and in other words is bad… and parent’s want it to stop! I believe in using easy to understand language such as “stop hurting your brother” or ” stop whining- I’m not buying candy, but let’s look at the yogurt options” …
From the Boston Globe article:
Stop saying “good job” for everyday reasonable actions such as washing hands or holding the door for a little old lady…. and don’t follow parenting advice promoted by Tic Tok !!!
From the Boston Globe article:
From the Boston Globe article:
Professional- psychologists, teachers and even occupational therapists (like me) are not all-knowing, although some think so…
Parents quoted in this article don’t sound very happy or satisfied with their parenting and other aspects of their lives. I believe that children develop best when they see happy, fulfilled role-models. Successful parenting is not a one-size fits all, especially if you have a child with special needs (as I do).
From the Boston Globe article:
The success of any specific parenting style also depends on support networks.
It is exhausting to listen to a young child talking about a boring repetitive subject (i.e. dinosaurs, airplanes and robots) all day. But its a lot easier if childcare is shared with friends, relatives, older siblings. The amount and quality of support systems is a factor in whether or not a parent is shushing or listening…
From the Boston Globe article:
Parents quoted in this article live in wealthy communities in Massachusetts – such as Needham and Wenham…
Not everybody has the option of being a stay at home mom in order to best implement the “gentle” parenting strategies. Not every parent can send their children to Waldorf, Montessori or other private school or a wealthy suburban public school with small class sizes- where teachers are able to support the “gentle” style .
A pediatrician in suburban Wenham suggests owning up to our parenting mistakes… and parents don’t have to be perfect!!!
From the Boston Globe article:
Natalie Bowers, from Wenham learned how to stop micromanaging her twins and stop feeling rejected when they pushed back…
I happen to know Natalie. She lives in a small, largely White, Christian, upper class town where everyone knows everyone’s business, people gossip and have high expectations of their children in academia, athletics and community involvement. If you don’t fit into the mold- it’s easy to be ostracized. This is a community where people love a good performance- to show off their kind and caring natures. They care a lot about what others think about their values, parenting, how much one volunteers etc. and if you don’t fit the mold- there are consequences. These are parents with the luxury of time to worry about whether or not their kids “really went along with the script.
From the Boston Globe article:
In conclusion, sometimes parents don’t have the time or emotional bandwidth to discuss the emotional ramifications of going out without wearing mittens…
In addition, special needs parents like me and probably you- are just happy to see their child make a friend, tolerate eating a variety of foods and avoid the consequences of bullying. The Boston Globe also offers a few other parenting options…
From the Boston Globe article:
I like the description of the “authoritative” approach…
From the Boston Globe article:
